Busy day and I didn't even get to clean the house...

First of all I hate cleaning the house! I always have to clean, everyone is always leaving something somewhere it does not belong! Dog hair, cat hair, and little pieces of fabric and thread are mainstays.

Today was a whirl wind of activity..
Woke up, feed buddha, headed to walgreens and walmart
Got home, made lunch, ate lunch ,sewed for 2 hours ( almost finished with school dress #1)
reclined for 30 minutes.. Got ready to see movie.

Saw District 9... Good movie,,, met friends for wings ( I had salad) home by 845...

Watched Son of Rambow with Brittany, her back is hurting and I wanted to spend some time with her.. Buddha joined us and everyone feel asleep until 11. Got up , moved Buddha, who is still settling back down, hence the blog.

Now what a busy day and I did not clean.. Well wait I did clean. I discovered we have a leak in the kitchen sink, I was looking for meyers scouring powder and I found "mildew" instead... So I cleaned that up dried it really good and went through all my cleaning supplies... Oh and dishes.. I do dishes every day no matta what...

I was so busy I was unable to get philosophical... DAMN IT..

There is always in my dreams!

Nite nite!

Funky Friday observation.....

Ladies, when you use a public restroom do you let your pants fall to your ankles?????

I saw someone in my work restroom who had their pants down around the ankles. I swear I have never noticed this before, and I felt awkward about it...

No judgment just an observation.....

Control issues

Do I really have control over other people, places and things?

NO, but boy do I like to think I do! I can drive myself crazy getting caught up in "Why did he do that, why didn't he do what I said" Why would someone say that... yadda yadda yadda.

I struggled a lot with remembering that I have no control over others today!! While I did not push myself on anyone, I did have some serious internal dialog that have me reeling with fear. You know that fear of what happens when I am not "in control".

Example, not a big fan of one of the boyfriends use "pleasure enhancers". Now I have an open dialog about illegal drugs and alcohol with my kids, and they know I do not condone the use of either. However, when they go out with their friends to parties, they will ultimately make choices I have NO control over. Because I have no dialog with the boyfriend I think I get even more nervous about him. I feel powerless, which I am, but I feel even more powerless over this guy that I don't know like I do my children. I am not being fair to him, but my FEAR is based on my experience with boyfriends/husbands who partake. I am trying to control my daughter very subtly, through new rules and even Guilt ( yes yes guilt). I am wrong you know.. I know I am wrong, but I am MORE FEARFUL about what "could" happen that I have thrown all my healthy thinking in the garbage. Instead of trusting my higher power and using all the tools I have to combat this kind of thinking.

I try to control everything that I fear, because it makes me feel like I determine the outcome if I "think" I am in control. ( holy crap did I just type that)

That sentences proves to me that I am officially delusional! I control because I fear.. I used to think I controlled because I was better than you at EVERYTHING so it just made sense for me to handle everyone's shit.

I am going to use my "control" complete my post for today.. I wonder what philosophical dilemma I will have to think through tomorrow!!!

Night night

Choices

Each day I get a chance to make many choices.
I chose to...

1. get out of bed, shower and go to work.
2. feed tony and give him his medication
3. Work hard for 8 hour....
4. Come home from work
   
5. visit with my family for a few hours
   

and the list goes on..

I used to believe these were requirements of life, but I know now that they are not, they are choices. I changed my perspective on this when I realized I hated myself and my life. I hated that I could not say no to anyone. I hated that I could not decide what I wanted out of life. I hated that I could not make a decision for myself without massive amounts of frustration. I could however help you make a choice and all I did was worry about others, while I became more and more miserable.

Today I think of myself first, my thinking is "self centered". I am not talking about self absorbed narcissism, it is actually the opposite. I am talking about a healthy dose of self awareness to help me make better decisions so that I get what I need out of my day. Do I do things for others "yes" but only when I am asked and when it is convenient in my schedule. When I make these better choices my performance is maximized because I am getting everything I need out of my time.

Life is to short to not live it doing what makes me happy at least 70% of the time. As long as I balance fun with responsibility I smile all day long instead of yell and spout bitterness.

Now I am choosing to end my rant and go to bed...

Make better choices for yourself and happiness will follow

The Perfection Perspective

I believe I live in a world full imperfect perfectionists. I know I am guilty of being judgmental of others while my life is OUT OF CONTROL. I am striving to go back to simple living, one of giving 100% to all things and not judging the outcome, not judging others , and being happy with what I have in my life right this minute.

What you can expect is lots of sarcastic, honest, funny stories that are my life as I see it... You will get the problems in my own words, my part in the problem and what I believe is the path to solution.

I will keep it in my own words focusing on how I feel and not what I think others feel. Should be fun!!!!